Found Poetry from Anthony Scaramucci's 2010 Memoir Goodbye Gordon Gekko

Found Poetry from Anthony Scaramucci's 2010 Memoir "Goodbye Gordon Gekko"

By Matt SeyboldAugust 2, 2017

    “Day One”


    I pride myself on being able to make a first impression.


    It may not be a good one, but an impression nonetheless.


    ¤


    “Day Two”


    Stuff happens. Never have truer words been spoken.


    ¤


    “Day Three”


    His eyes are dancing over your shoulder,


    Darting to cover the rest of the room.


    He is Windexing you:


    Your face is like a sheet of glass…


    The Windexer is a


    social-climbing,


    status-conscious,


    status-anxious sort.


    Never, ever let it be you.


    Never.


    Ever.


    Has it been me?


    ¤


    “Day Four”


    If you have to be an avaricious ass to make your money, okay,


    Now you are king of the mountain -


    But let me ask you, who are you going to share your success with?


    Sycophants and suck-ups?


    Be a jerk,


    Get rich,


    Hang out with jerks,


    Be miserable


    Never know why you’re miserable


    When you have everything on your want list,


    And die empty.


    Think about the evildoers who fall:


    Their false friends always evacuate.


    ¤


    “Day Five”


    The mistake I have sometimes made is


    that I have befriended a few eyeball rippers


    and thought that they were actually my friends.


    ¤


    “Day Six”


    Don’t spend time in the nasty gossip zone.


    I don’t know why, but people love to gripe


    and find reasons to put each other down.


    Sometime we feel we have to be in the group of carpers


    so that people will accept us into their clique.


    Don’t let this be you.


    It is destructive and poisonous to be part of the negative cabal.


    Avoid it — even if that makes you seem snooty or uppity to certain people.


    You don’t have to fit into the crowd


    if the crowd is a bunch of losers.


    ¤


    “Day Seven”


    Think post-tribal.


    America is a land that is consistently moving


    toward a post-tribal way of life.


    It is setting an example for the future.


    Hopefully someday we will be looked at


    as creating the precursor for the post-tribal world.


    One tribe, the human tribe.


    One race, the human race.


    That would be the apotheosis


    of teamwork.


    We can do this.


    ¤


    “Day Eight” 


    If you spend 80 hours a week acting like a ruthless moron,


    You can’t just turn it off when you go home.


    Your darkness comes through the door with you


    And so does your diabolical callousness.


    You may get rich, but you will be filled with acid and acrimony.


    How could that be worth it?


    Screw enough people and the karma police come


    and take out all of your flesh.


    ¤


    “Day Nine”


     When you look to your left,


    and they you look to your right,


    and suddenly you realize that everyone around you


    is plainly a lot better than you.


    ¤


    “Day Ten”


    The big trick in life if figuring out


    your need for personal glory


    And balancing it with


    your ability to get along within your team


    And be a contributing member.


    I have painfully watched people not deal well


    with the success of others


    Don’t let it be you.


    You should also be there for your boss


    Or colleagues


    when they fail.

    LARB Contributor

    Matt Seybold is assistant professor of American Literature & Mark Twain Studies at Elmira College. He is scholar-in-residence at the Center for Mark Twain Studies, editor of MarkTwainStudies.org, and host of The American Vandal Podcast. His research focuses on intersections of political economy and mass media, particularly during periods of financial crisis. He is co-editor, with Michelle Chihara, of The Routledge Companion to Literature & Economics (2018), and, with Gordon Hutner, a 2019 special issue of American Literary History on “Economics & American Literary Studies in the New Gilded Age.” Other recent work can be found in Aeon, American Studies, Leviathan, Mark Twain Annual, and T. S. Eliot Studies.

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