Last Week on Dear Television:

• Post 1: "When Worlds Collide," from Jane Hu
• Post 2: "Romney-Dad: Conservatives in Comedy," from Lili Loofbourow 
• Post 3: “Moby-Nick, or The Whale Belt,” from Phil Maciak
   

This Week:

• Post 1: "Of In-Groups and Out-Groups," from Lili Loofbourow
• Post 3: “A Toast to the Douchebags,” from Jane Hu

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“How To Crush It”

Dear Jane and Lili,

THERE IS A TELEVISION COMMERCIAL, perhaps you’ve seen it, in which a well-dressed, thirtysomething man hops out of a cab in the rain and runs into a bar. There, he finds a small high-top table filled with a multiracial, co-ed group of his friends. “How’d it go?” they ask in trepidation. The man slaps his hands on the table, looks coyly around for a beat, as if to say, “Well, not too great, guys,” and then, blammo, with a great Cheshire grin, he declares, “Crushed it.” They hand this man a Corona, and, as is often the case when a person is handed a Corona, all of a sudden, they’re at the beach. “Find your Beach,” the ad says.

I’ve seen this commercial a thousand times, and I think it would be an understatement to say that it has gripped my imagination. Every time, I can’t help myself from thinking: Wow, what a jerk this guy is. First of all, what degree of confidence does this jag have that he can confidently say to his friends that, whatever happened, he crushed it. If it was a job interview, why not say, “I got the job! Thanks for your support, multiracial friend group!” If it was a job interview and he thinks he did well, but he’s still waiting to hear back, isn’t he afraid of jinxing it? And then I start to think, what other scenarios could this slimy-looking dude be crushing? Were you able to purchase and close down that paper mill in China? Crushed it. How’d stalking your ex-wife go today? Crushed it. How did you deal with the Twitter backlash to your recent New York Times Magazine interview with Tippi Hedren? Crushed it.

The guy in this commercial, in other words, is what the cast of New Girl would call a “d-bag.” A totally self-confident professional Dude with zero self-awareness, lots of hair gel, and a penchant for getting into cologne fights. ...